Do women know they are crazy?

[jpmessiah]

I think all your comments make a lot of sense. You know what is hard for a guy. See, I have done the dating. I get girls interested in me all the time, but I can't get the girls I want, because I tend to be clingy to them. See, when I am with a girl I don't care about, they get upset and want me to be clingy and I am like, no, because I really am not into you like that, but when I like a girl, I think to myself, the previous girl wanted me to be all clingy and I wasn't, but with this girl, I will be since I like her. It's a bad move.

Right now, I like this girl and I think deep down she likes me. I really do. She tells me she just wants to be friends, but she makes comments like, you are just asking me out because you are lonely right now after breaking up with a girl you were with for seven years. She also tells me to enjoy life; have Jon time and all this other stuff that seems to make me believe she is not attracted to me, despite liking me, because I just got out of a long term relationship and I seem too eager to get back into one. So, it's easy. Back off, but it isn't. See, cause then you start thinking that if you back off, you will lose her for sure to some better guy. yes, faith is key, but sometimes, you can't be positive 24-7 and that brief second of insecurity leads you to do some of the stupidest things ever. Plus, when you are friends with that girl, you also have to watch that you don't push her away by not being there, so you have this dilemma before you. What to do?

Bad boys for longterm relationships makes no sense. Girls will never change their man and he will cheat on them, treat them like shit and do whatever he wants and she will allow it and be miserable. Girls should just learn early and go with the guy who treats her best. That's what I don't get. We have girls chasing after guys who beat them, cheat on them and treat them like shit and they run away from guys who treat them like gold. There is no logic behind it.

[condorman]

Who ever said women were logical? Whether we like it or not the women like the mystique of the bad boy. The best approach is to have the bad boy mystique, while being a gentleman. Here is what I suggest for your friend - don't sit around waiting for her to come around. Start dating other people, let her see you moving on with your life and experiencing new things. Be funny with her, joke with her, but don't try to garner her approval. You don't need it, the best gift you can give her is for her to see that your moving forward and that you can have a relationship. The percentages are if she has any feelings for you, she will say something before a new relationship get seriously underway. I have no doubt that you continueing to ask her out, give her complements, tell her how much you care - isn't going to work. That's not how you will win her. I know it doesn't make any sense, but that is the reality.

[jpmessiah]

Yeah. I get that. I just realized today that I think she doesn't want to go out with me, because she thinks I am looking for marriage, which is not true. I had to set her straight on that. I just want to have fun and I don't have time for more than one relationship. I like to have things a certain way. See, no one really gets this about me. I like to workout, write, watch DVDs and play videogames and I like to have a girl. All that is missing in my life is a girl right now, so that is why I am complaining about that. But when my DVD player was broken, I freaked out just as bad. When I couldn't get online at work, I nearly had a fit. LOL. And why don't I just get a hernia surgery right away even when the doctor said I don't really need it just yet, because you will really see me complain when I am not allowed to lift weights.

Anyways, back to this girl. She has told me before that I should never say never to us. She also said I tend to want things right away and that I mess up. She says she sees me very happy and married. Whatever. But when I showed her a picture of the girl I was seeing now, jealousy came up and she was like, she's ok. Did she like my last ex. Nope. She didn't like her at all. I wish she could see this. She just doesn't get it, but she likes me more than she thinks.

[The Eccentric]

I think that when it comes to relationships, females tend to be in denial as far as what they truly want. That isn't intended as a chauvinist remark; I'm aware that there are plenty of women out there who are realists, and plenty of men who are anything but. In defense of my gender, however, we guys don't seem to be quite as pretentious regarding romance as the fairer sex. I've found that women often try to avoid dating their male friends, even when they really would like to, due to fear of what might happen. They may be genuinely concerned that doing so would change the whole dynamic of the relationship, as a lack of romantic compatibility could lead to a nasty breakup, followed by the end of what was once a great friendship. This is somewhat valid, but if you're such great friends in the first place, shouldn't you be able to mutually agree to break up and still remain friends afterwards? Besides, who's to say that dating wouldn't work? You never know until you try.

It sounds like this is essentially what's currently happening with you, and I'm in the midst of a somewhat similar situation right now myself. I've been friends with this girl for a little while now, and I'd say that we've gotten pretty close in a relatively short amount of time. I've listened to her problems, provided her with a shoulder upon which to cry, and offered advice when appropriate. She, on the other hand, has helped me to gradually get over someone else (yet another female friend of mine who evidently had no desire to take things further). The way this girl describes me, she sometimes makes me sound like her ideal guy, or as close as possible. And it's not just because I'm a nice guy where quite a few of her exes were jerks, either. She also seems to think that I'm funny, insightful, and have good taste in music, among other things. Despite all of this, she still appears reluctant to take our relationship to the next level.

I suppose that her apprehension could be based on what I suggested above, not wanting to jeopardize the good friendship that we already have. But at the same time, if we get along well and make each other happy as friends, just imagine how much better we could make each other feel if we were dating.

condorman said:

Who ever said women were logical?

I'll drink to that, bro.

[jpmessiah]

So, this girl last month told me she loves me. It is a girl I tried to hook up with last year and fell in love with earlier this year. We got into a huge fight in April and she didn't talk to me again until June. I had all but given up hope on a relationship and just concentrated on a friendship, when out of nowhere she hit me with this bombshell. There is more to this story. I was down and out about some girl and that is when she told me. Moving back to New York, it is only a matter of time before we see each other again. She has disappeared, but when I am most down about it, she tells me what I want to hear. She assures me that she does love me, misses me and wants to see me soon, but that she is trying to discover what road she wants to take her life. You have to respect that. I have to believe that, because if I don't, then I don't really love her as much as I say I do. For now, I am putting faith in this relationship, believing it will work out in the end and I think 2006 has big things in store for me. 2005 sucked for everyone, but with a little faith, all things are possible. Maybe women do not have to be that crazy after all.