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Post by Talon Karrde on Nov 14, 2005 21:48:53 GMT -5
Post all of your politically incorrect jokes here. I'll begin:
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell
*BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time...
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
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Post by Talon Karrde on Dec 31, 2005 12:39:25 GMT -5
DATING RITUALS WHITE WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position. IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex. ITALIAN WOMEN First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant. Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs. Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-karat ring. 5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex. 6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend. JEWISH WOMEN First Date: You get dynamite head. Second Date: You get more great head. Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again. CHINESE WOMEN First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens. Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again. Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen. INDIAN WOMEN First date: Meet her pa! rents. Second date: Set the date of the wedding. Third date: Wedding night. BLACK WOMEN First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner. Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner. Third Date: You get to pay her rent. Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you. MEXICAN WOMEN First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car. Second Date: She's pregnant. Third Date: She moves in. One week later: her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande. The POINT DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN? |
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Post by Talon Karrde on Sept 10, 2006 0:53:48 GMT -5
A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained; his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bathing."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
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Post by Talon Karrde on Nov 3, 2006 13:47:59 GMT -5
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in."
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Post by Talon Karrde on Jan 28, 2007 18:19:35 GMT -5
The Importance of Understanding English I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line. Just one guy in front of me. An Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated. He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday, I get two hunat dolla for yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations". The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people too!" |
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Post by Talon Karrde on Aug 9, 2007 14:37:01 GMT -5
Traffic Jam A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened, what's the hold up?" "Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?" "About a gallon." |
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Post by Talon Karrde on Apr 19, 2008 11:12:42 GMT -5
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C. has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States. If nothing is there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice.
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Post by Talon Karrde on Jul 17, 2008 7:16:06 GMT -5
10 Truths Black and Hispanic people know but White people won't admit
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year old is too big for a stroller.
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
10 Truths White and Black People know but Hispanic people won't admit
1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food not a pet or a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
7. 'Jump out and run' is not in any insurance policies.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami & Papi cant possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.
10 Truths white and Hispanic people know but Black people won't admit
1. O.J. did it.
2.. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth shouldn't be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. Red is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
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Post by Talon Karrde on Feb 8, 2010 12:49:31 GMT -5
Why It Is Important to Understand English I had a bunch of S.A. rands I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. I stood in the short line. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian woman who was trying to exchange Yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change?! Ysterday, I got two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?! Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too!!" |
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