Moment To Vent...

[jpmessiah]

One of the things I liked about the Birds of Prey boards was this section called At This Moment. People would say things like, At This Moment...

I am masturbating to a picture of the Birds of Prey comic book. (How they could type with one hand and concentrate like that is amazing?)

I am organizing the campaign that will kick off in 2018 to bring back BOP.

I am listening to the sounds of the forest.

I am writing something on the At This Moment page. (That's always my personal favorite. Oh, the laughs)

So, anyways, I wanted a similar concept, but not necessarily about that specific moment. I wanted people who were having a tough day at work to just have a place to go and vent. I wanted people who were just broken up with to have someplace to vent. I wanted people who found out they were sleeping with their first cousin and liked it to have some place to vent. So MTV provides you with that opportunity. Say what you want. Talk about who you want. Blast someone not from these boards, because we are all nice to each other here. Really just say whatever comes to your mind. Even positive stuff. Something made you feel good, discuss it. Let it all out. I am telling you, it feels good to just do that sometimes. I will start in the next post. And everyone can feel free to reply to anything. A real dialogue.

[jpmessiah]

So, I was sitting here at work on a Wednesday. it is usally my rest day. I don't do anything, but play with the message board, write stories for the website and of course plot my moves as I am always thinking of the next plan to win some girl over. In fact, that makes it a stressful day and not a rest day at all.

Last year around this time, I was getting ready to break up with my girlfriend at the time. It was a seven year relationship that came to an end and I tried to hook up with another girl right away and another after that and so on. I recently just broke up with a girl I was seeing for three months. I was really happy in the relationship, because she wanted everything I couldn't get from the previous one in terms of marriage, but she couldn't give me the things that kept me with my ex for seven years. So, we broke up and I ended up being miserable again. Then I realized something. See, my sisters tell me I chase all the time. I cling. I just want to be with someone, because I am lonely. My friend at work told me that, too when I asked her out. She thought I was lonely and just wanted to be with someone. I think they are partially right. See, when you have been with someone for seven years, you just want that feeling back. But I kept chasing and I was never happy with what I had. I was still looking around almost like I needed someone so badly, but I knew they were not the one, but I kept them around just in case I couldn't find someone else. Then it hit me.

I think I really do care about the person I like now. She doesn't like me in that way. She wants me as a friend. She doesn't see us going out. I can never ask her out again. To prove I care, I can never tell her how much I care. This is the one I want and I can't have. It's not about the challenge, because that has happened to me before and I still chased after other girls. What sets this girl apart from the others is that I don't want to chase anyone else. I finally have given up my hunt and no longer feel pressured to hook up with anyone now, because there is only one person I want and she doesn't want me. So, that kind of sucks. Here I am, finding the one that beats out all others and I can't have her. And so I find myself talking to girls, but not even trying hard. I don't even care. I am going through the motions, but my heart is set on something else. It doesn't seem that important to me anymore to have just any girl. I want one girl and yet, she only wants a friendship. And that's kind of cool, too, because she is my best friend. I couldn't think of anyone else I would want to spend my life knowing in a platonic way than her. I wish it could be more, but sometimes you have to take what you get. And at least, now, I am not going crazy from one girl to the next and maybe someone else will show up out of thin air and be the one or maybe my friend will come around.

So, I sit here on a Wednesday. It's a rest day and for once I can truly rest.

[Talon Karrde]

This is more like a blog than an At the Moment page.

[jpmessiah]

Exactly. It is a blog for the G-Pop family. We are all one big family. Awwww!!!! Vent your frustrations. This is the perfect place to.

[shadowwalker]

I grew up with computers, I've known about mother boards, CPU chips, memory cards, etc, ever since i knew Jane crossed the road. It's not because someone taught, although my dad did tell me what they were called, but i learned on my own, i'd take em apart and then sit and stare at the insides, following the cables from the drives to the systems board and vice versa.

Then i started with sofware, I'd just play around with settings and formulas, 'taking' them apart.

It's because of my intease curiosity that i sailed through computer studies at school and achieved 97% on my final mark for cumputer studies and word in college. I also got a job in an IT firm, first as a technician in the workshop wiping the data off old machines and later on as a stores manager where i worked on excel lot, and now i'm a Field Service co-ordinator, ensuring that when faults are loffed that the technician is there in the shortest time possible and resolves the problem.

But i have one draw back, I'm female, and as soon as someone sees or hears me other the phone they switch their tone and talk to me as if i know absolutely nothing of a computer and how it works, what's worse is i have to endure long calls of a user explaining to me what a monitor is and what it does before telling me what's wrong with it and what could possibly be the cause (which, i might add is 99% completely and utterly WRONG!)

Just the other day one of the executives (who admitted he knew nothing about how compters work cause he's just a salesman) walked into the office i shared with 3 other men and asked a question, i answered him immediately. He just looked at me and then turned to the guy behind me and asked him the question, who in turn gave him exactly the same answer.

I HATE it when it happens and when i complain i'm told to just let it slide, WHY? Why should i just let people treat me like i'm some kinda of mentally challenged person?!

I soooooo need a cigarette!

[jpmessiah]

That's some bullshit, but guys are like that, especially with cars. However, to put your mind at ease, I can tell you that things are getting better. My friend is the senior supervisor of the computer tech department at Best Buy and he tells me how he would hire a girl who knew her computers in a heartbeat. In fact, one of his favorite technicians was one of the girls at the job and it wasn't because he was trying to hook up, because he didn't like her in that way. If at least one person can show respect for a woman who knows her computers, there is a chance others do, too. So, it may take time, but eventually people will start to see you as an equal in that field, as long as you don't give up and continue to be assertive.

We all have our prejudices. When I first got into journalism, I was a man, yes, but a young man and that meant no one took me seriously, but I didn't have to get older before they did and right now, I am one of the most respected reporters in the Northeast Bronx, maybe the entire Bronx, and everyone else has been in the industry for some time. I kept pushing and forced my way in. Sometimes, you got to break the wall down yourself. I hope that was inspiring. I try.

[Talon Karrde]

Heh heh - try being a female officer. To quote one individual who called me to the scene: "What're you gonna do?" I answered: "My job" and proceded to do what he couldn't in a matter of seconds.

[DocMidnite]

I was sitting last night watching the TV. The Mrs and kids (2) were spending the night at Nanny's house. So here I am watching some shows I taped while having a glass of Iced Tea. I don't know whether it was the iced T (something i drank by the gallon when I was younger), the fact that I was watching Rock Star INXS (a band from my era) and Battlestar Galactica ( a show I NEVER missed), But I suddenly wondered, "WHERE THE HELL DID THE TIME GO? One day I am in St Joseph's grammar school getting yelled at by the nuns and watching Battlestar Galactica (classic version).Then I was playing baseball in HS and dating the girl I just knew I was gonna marry (didn't happen). I went to college a year and quit to work the family business.I started my own business; Got married, became a cop, bought a house, had two kids, and am now 11 years into my pension. This all happened in a 27 year span, yet it feels like yeasterday that I was sitting on the floor drinking Iced Tea and watching Richard Hatch and Dirk Benedict blow up Cylons on a weekly basis.
I guess what I am saying is I never realized just how quick it all goes. Enjoy life people. It comes and goes WAY TOO FAST. What will the next 27 years bring?? God Knows, But I am sure I am gonna sit back and enjoy it just a little more from now on.

[Talon Karrde]

Why is it that when you really need sleep, people can't see it in their hearts to let you. Neighbors slam car doors or yell as if they weren't standing right on top of each other. The phone rings constantly...usually only a couple of hours after you get to sleep. If you're a light sleeper, that means a jumpstart to your heart and now, even though you haven't answered the call, you can't get to sleep because your heart is pounding. Then there's the noisy tennant who believes that you have to be a part of their drunken tirades and wrestling matches. Then, the cat, unable to sleep herself, wants you to play. Smacking you with the paw isn't enough, so she positions herself directly over your ear and begins to meow like a car alarm. Let's not forget the neighbor's annoying dog who barely breathes between barking tirades. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! And when you finally begin to really fall deeply into a nice, relaxing sleep...RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!! The alarm clock goes off and you've run out of time.

[shadowwalker]

It’s been a long day, phone call after phone call. Your ear is ringing from listening to clients, co-workers, bosses. Your attention is split into two, struggling to prioritize everything that somehow seems to take priority over everything else. It gets so hectic you’re petrified that nature might come calling. As you’re sitting there finishing off another email, you’ve forgotten you’ve had lunch and look at your watch wondering if you can break for a quick jog to the pie shop across the road and you’re startled to find that it’s almost time to go home. Rather than sit in shock wondering where the time had gone, your thankful, looking forward to just melting into the couch, sipping some wine and watching the latest episode of Cold Case Files on the history channel. Yes, what the hell am I thinking? Nothing ever goes the way we plan, no matter how many fail safes, money, ‘get out of jail free’ cards we have.

Your father’s been forced to cut off 10% of his salary cause the company’s short on cash and already a few people have been retrenched. The gas price has risen once again and he has to now start paying his own gas when he visits client, and with a 120 liter executive pick-up truck it’s become near to impossible to save that little something for the boat he’s been saving for. So he’s not in a very good mood.

Your brother’s dreaming dreams of grandeur. He’s a criminal hiding from the British army, AWOL from her majesty’s service. He’s been given second chances and it seems as if he thinks he deserves more and more. His job pays dirt, only enough for the gas to work and back and maybe a side trip to a friend. He has to start paying his student loan off, but he’s also spending his money pimping his car up (Blue dragon seats for a gold colored car? Yeah I know, ack!) When he hears news that Dad and Mom might be moving out, he starts to panic that he’ll be forced to pay rent on the house, plus for groceries, the maid, electricity, water, hell since he’s so paranoid why don’t we just add a few more things in there to pay for. So even though his dreams of having the ultimate car and job is still fresh in his mind and he’s wondering where the hell is he gonna get the money and why the hell should he pay for his own upkeep, he gets angry and just wants to disagree with everyone and everything.

Then your mom, so far she’s been the only normal one, her tone calm and reassuring, instilling a little calm, but then that ugly side of hers rears it’s face and she spits at your brother to shut-up. Obviously this only just adds fuel to the fire and your brother spits back, destroying that short fuse your father had left. It’s a wonder how the food stays in the plates; hell not even drinks are spilled while the argument rises to the decibel level of a force 9 gale. Your father, who has never cried infront of your for 18 years storms away from the table bawling, your mother rushes to comfort him and your brother dons his cap and jacket and mumbles something about going to visit a friend and then wheel spins out of the drive way.

All of this is happened and in the meantime you’re sitting silently in the corner with a concern you’ve been hiding for a week now. Your vision has been blurring, and there are times you can’t even see the traffic signs as your driving past them. You’re trying to fool yourself, saying that it’s just the stress, you’re just tired and you’re not really going blind. Yet still that paranoia has embedded itself in the corner of your mind and every time you shake your head and blink a few times, it bleeds back into your conscious and the dread doubles, taking its toll on your already weary and tired soul.

Suddenly deadlines and unhappy clients doesn’t sound half as bad, your gut leaps into your throat and you realize, what the hell happened? Since when has home become a place just as hostile as the peak hour traffic on an unbearably hot summer’s day. Why, in a place you’ve found the most comfort in after being bullied at school, must you know cringe walking through the doorway and think to yourself, “I don’t need this.” As the dog, you vigilantly visited everyday at the vet while it was hanging on a thin thread of life, runs in-between your legs yapping happily that your home, you kick it away and storm off to your room. Even the warm water, the aromatic bath oils and the thought of washing the grime away doesn’t seem appealing anymore.

So this is how your day has been, and it’s all sitting on you like an 18 wheeler truck. It’s all so overwhelming that even the tears you’re shedding out of frustration isn’t helping much and now your nose is blocked, a headache is hammering behind your eyes and the food you’ve just eaten is knocking it’s way up the esophagus.

Is this what they meant when they said life isn’t easy, is this just another test, another obstacle that you’re supposed to hurdle over and continue skipping down the yellow brick lane? And if it only gets worse the older you get, how worse is it gonna get then?! Then you start reminding yourself, some people have it worse. Some people don't have brothers, other have lost their mothers or father, or maybe even both. Some don't have jobs and some don't have the luxury of soaking in a warm bath with aromatic oils. And there's a little kid somewhere in the wolrd who wishes he had a mother and father and a home, with a dog who would be happy to see him.

Suddenly you realise how selfish you've been today and resolve no matter how bad tomorrow might be, at least you know you have a home to go to, with a father, mother, brother and a dog happy to see you're home.

[jpmessiah]

It's ok to be selfish sometimes. If I thought about everyone who doesn't even have some of the stuff I don't have, I would feel horrible living on the street in a box, because someone may not even afford a box. I mean, we are allowed to be selfish. We should want everything to go our way, but be understanding when it doesn't.

[jpmessiah]

Bored bored bored. That is exactly what I am thinking as I sit on my friend's computer waiting for him to finish a bout of Ninja Gaiden Black, which I also own. We are about to go bowling and I can't stand bowling nowadays, because I bowl with my ex girlfriend's father. Yeah. That's always fun. Hey Jon, I expected you to screw up and miss that ten pin, cause you screwed up with my daughter. Why don't you drink with me? Oh, because you are probably going to drink with your new girl later. No one is as good looking as my daughter you loser. Hey, let me look at your cell phone for the sixth time, because I am not spying to see how many girls are on your phone. No, I just want to see what kind of features you have. But we own the same phone. And then if I think about quitting. he's like. No, I want to bowl with you. We're friends. Whatever.

So, I go bowling every week, because my friend Mike, god bless him, has a hard time being mean and can't tell people no. He was supposed to be the bad guy who said no to bowling last year and without my ride to the alley, I wouldn't be able to go. The kid hates bowling, but when he was asked, he says, yes, we will bowl again. Damn. Now, I plop down $27 a week for something I don't even enjoy doing, when I would rather save that money to go out with a girl or something. This sucks. The league doesn't even end until May. I can't wait. I am so done. I will have to be the bad guy, but that is ok. No more bowling for me until I find a team I enjoy being around. I expect you to quit, he said, since you quit on my daughter.

[Justine]

Dude...you HAVE to get out of that sitch.

As for me, there is no such thing as bored for me. I'm actually pretty proud today. One of the partners in my office requested my help on a project. It's nice because that means they know I'm good, even though I'm only a back-up legal assistant.

Of course, on the other side of the coin, this means that I don't stand much of a chance of finishing my Buddhism report today like I wanted to, but that's okay--I have until Thursday.

Tonight, I'm going to a Korean Restaurant to celebrate my sister-in-law's new job in the Stamford office of the firm where I work. Saturday, after school, my best friend is throwing a candle party at her house, which is going to be a nice, laid back way to spend a Saturday evening, especially because that girl can COOK. Then, on Sunday, I'm going to the Digital Life convention...it's going to be quite a busy little weekend!

[jpmessiah]

Work sucks. They have pushed me to the limit and I decided to give up coffee, but two times a week rather than every day and it has made me practically exhausted. These people are slave drivers. They literally expect you to work until you die. I have had the worst week ever. People wonder why I work on articles on Sunday. Well wonder no more. Cause this week, I decided, I wanted to enjoy my Sunday and because I did, I was at work from 6:45 a.m. until 12:30 a.m. sitting at a computer screen, burning my eyes to the point where I can barely keep them open still. I went home and tried to have some sort of moment to relax and for one hour, I watched television and then fell asleep to get to work by 9 the next morning and guess what; I worked until 9 p.m. Back to back days. I wanted to get some sleep, but I had promised my friend he could come over to watch the Wrestling PPV I taped. We watched, he left, and I tried to watch some television on my own, but I ended up fast forwarding through every moment of silence on the program, just so I could get through and get to bed. On Wednesday, I felt fine, but sitting in a move theater for three hours straight, I became so exhausted, I decided to take a nap, hoping to get up in time to help my sister decorate the Christmas tree. Grumpy and tired, I fell asleep not to get up again until 6:45 a.m. to discover that the tree was decorated. Can you believe that? She was in the next room, adjacent to mine and I didn't hear her at all. Not one peep. I feel bad, cause I wanted to help and now a Christmas tradition was taken away from me, because my boss is evil. I can't even think of writing today. So tired, still and I have bowling tonight, a Christmas party tomorrow night and a dinner on Saturday night. When will I get a true moment's rest.